Appleton, WI. Great news today for McIntosh lovers. Scientists at the Apple Institute have found a way to deal with all those extra Apple Cords laying around your office. Scientists have now genetically engineered a new type of cord that can be eaten! And, you won't get sick. "It's true. In the past, people would get very sick from eating Apple cords. They would get into your tummy and cause all kinds of rumbly, tumbly issues," says Heinrich Von Gurgle, Chief Research Scientist for the Apple Institute. "We've manipulated the genes so that all Apple cords can now be consumed safely. It's a pretty big deal. You are welcome.”

***Editors note - After posting this entry, we noticed our auto spell check was on. "cords" should be replaced with "cores." We apologize for the mix-up or any confusion this may have caused.