Hot Diggity Dogs!

The best invention ever! The All American Meal. All toasted together? Why didn't somebody think of this idea years ago? Apparently, they did. Brilliant and delicious! $18.59


Gamer Goo

Don't let the difference between life and death on the Battle Royale Battlefield come down to a sweaty set of palms. Chicken Dinner your way to victory with this man-scented Elixer of champions. $14.95


Suture Practice Kit

Trust us. When the Apocolypse hits the fan, you'll be glad you learned how to forcep, compress and stitch up 14 of the worst wounds in the field. Your mommy will be so proud of you. $35.95

The Tattoo Scene is Real

Newark, NJ. Many things are changing thanks to recent powerful cultural shifts being felt across every level of today's society. One area that is seeing a significant rise is called "the tattoo scene." This little known and little-seen subset of strange people uses permanent ink, injected under the skin's epidermis, to represent images and ideas all over their bodies. In some cases, they will even use words. Arms, legs, bellies, and even heads are seeing tattoos. It's shocking. What's even more surprising are the fonts. We've seen Helvetica, Comic sans, Rockwell, and a whole host of script fonts. Because this is such a new cultural shift, no one knows precisely the long term effects of tattoos and what might happen to those that receive them in the long run. Brain damage, kidney failure, hemorrhoids are just a few guesses. If you happen to see someone with one of these renegade marks, don't run from them. They are people just like you and us. Only weirder.

Exclusive Proof of Library Trolls!

Fort Wayne, In. In this exclusive report, A Better Post is blowing the lid off the magical creatures' hidden realm. Thanks to the sweet blurry photography skills of our own Skippy Winkerbutter, you can see what might appear to be the rascally remains of a lively library troll! These troublesome trolls are the guys that sneak all those extra logos and graphical bits of fodder into your Abobe libraries while you aren't looking. Dr. Ephraim Eggbert of the Paranormal League for Extraordinary Stuff explains, "We've all been there. You turn your back on your Mac for a second. You go back to your Illustrator pallets and BOOM. There's a client's logo just sitting in the library. You didn't put it there. It just appeared. So, you delete it. You come back the next day and BOINGO! It's back. Library Trolls. You got Library Trolls!" Thanks to Dr. Eggbert's research, many other unexplained phenomenons are on the cusp of being discovered. We plan to report them all.

"Ghost Z" Epidemic On The Rise

Here at A Better Post, we definitely don't believe in ghosts. But, for the sake of writing today's post, we'll say anything. Digital artists worldwide are being seen by leading psychiatrists for a growing paranormal phenomena that can only be described as possession of "Ghost Z." Want to see if you are possessed? It is fun. Let's find out. Here's a situation. You are at a coffee shop and pick up your delicious Cappa-whippa-chino, and it is on fire. In a fight or flight moment, you release the liquid lava, only to see it explode on the stained concrete below. In that instant, you call on Ghost Z to possess the situation and reverse time. In your mind you thought, "Control + Z.” This applies to traffic tickets, arguments, bear caves, unicycles…you name it. Don’t worry, it's a graphic designer thing. But, you should probably see a psychiatrist or call your mom.

So, You Want to Be A Creative Director.

In a recent survey conducted by the Survey Institute of Walla Walla, WA, 96% of graphic designers, 78% of art directors, and 63% of creative writers want to take those ultimate wiz-bang steps of becoming their agencies Creative Director. In a self-aggrandizing twist, the survey also found that 98% of all creative directors "say" they wish they were still graphic designers, art directors, or creative writers. "Trust me. This ivory tower has cracks." says one anonymous CD. "Sure, the pay is great. And the prestige is fun. And the perk of everyone following your lead is a blast. But, having your own assistant to field your calls and book your golf meetings gets old. And I only get to work on the clients that I want to. I don't work on the tough ones that challenge me anymore. I have to leave those to my team so that they can learn the ropes. And, when I leave at 5pm and see all those folks sticking it out, having fun burning the midnight oil while I take the client out for steak and seafood? Man, that makes me nostalgic. I miss that comradery. There's only so much lobster one person can eat." Yep, that's true. There is only so much one person can take.

Designer Cracks Code on Logo Design

Portland, Oregon. Elmer Fudgenoodler, a graphic design intern for Sputnik Unlimited Creative Inc., believes he has decisively deciphered the elusive "magic" behind the perfect logo design. After completing his whopping 2nd logo assignment, Elmer tweeted a campaign of Tik Toks that caught our eye. While not shaking around in an incoherent babbling of bodily movements, Elmer says the secret sauce to a perfect logo design is a lot simpler than what you might think. "Listen, dudes. Just do what I do. First, type out the client's name in Illustrator. Then, toggle through every font you have loaded, and just rando stop on one. Go fast, and it feels like some weird animation. If that doesn't work, change the type to Helvetica Neue and use two different weights. After that, it's gravy. Google "icon + the industry" of the client. Image trace the 3rd thing that pops up. Slap the two together and booyah! " Ah, the wisdom of youth. Thanks, Elmer. We'll give it a try.

Power Fonts. Are You Using Your Full Arsenal?

Frutiger? Been there. Gotham? Done that. Mrs. Eaves? More like Mrs. Snoresville. Every designer has had that moment. You go to the font pallet, but the well has simply run dry. Sure. You consider swiping a font from Dafont. But, you know deep down inside, you aren't paying that font creator the cheddar they deserve. You consider your options. Maybe you'll just kern a little Rockwell here or horizontal scale a little Trade Gothic there. But, its a no go. Well, worry no more designer diva, we have you covered. Here are FIVE great fonts that you probably have never heard of to get your creative charisma back. (And, when we say great, we mean not-so-great. But hey, they'll make you laugh and appreciate what you have.)

  1. Curlz MT - Delicious curves meet delectable dainty design
  2. Mistral - It's completely hand-drawn! Psych. Fooled you.
  3. Impact - "Speak softly and carry a big font." - Rudy Giuliani
  4. Stencil - Got a box? Need a font? Boom!
  5. Kristen ITC - Never met her, but based on her font? 10.

About A Better Post

A Better Post is a creative outburst of A. Betterman Creative. All names, both real and made up, are used for humor and parody purposes only. All stories, facts, and data shared herein are not to be taken literally. Who has time to find real info anymore? That takes work. It's all for funsies. Enjoy responsibly. Share extravagantly.